rage

This post has nothing to do with matty foster and the rage inducing incidents that occured last night but other events which occured later that evening. Its strange that I personally feel that rage is a bad emotion, one that rears it ugly head once in a while in your life and you lose control. The strange thing about rage is that once you have rage, u want to nurse rage, u divert all your mental energy into maintaining the level of rage. Its weird that it happens that way. In most cases i try to not feel the rage and just distance myself from it so i'm less emotionally involved and normally it works.

Last night, i was succumb with very intense and fierce rage and i tried to push it away like i normally do, i tried to distance myself from the cause of the rage, i tried to rationalise it and understand why the causer of rage did what he did and through that my rage subsided. But the side effect was that i can't feel any other emotions, instead of nursing rage i'm putting all my mental efforts into not flying off the hook right now.

So i sit here, 3am, my neck is tight from clamping my jaw shut, my shoulder are tired from driving all night, my mind is more numb then it has ever been and I can't think of anything and i cant feel anything

My mind is frozen.